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Jeff Hardy

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Jeff Hardy

Jefffollow.jpg

Follow your dreams, all the way to the dock

Also Known as: Meth Hardy, Jeff Harvey, The Rainbow-haired Warrior, The Charismatic Enigma
Height: 6 ft 1 in (1.85 m)
Weight: 215 lb (98 kg)
Born: August 31, 1977 (age 33)
Resides: Raleigh, North Carolina

Jeff Hardy is currently facing five major drug charges. He is also the LOLTNA Sparkly Purple Glittery Fail Champion in his spare time. Jeff Hardy is mostly known for sloppy in-ring work and jumping off tall things (mostly onto tables). Compared to his brother, however, he is the lesser of two evils. Coincidentally, he made CM Punk into a mother fuckin' Superstar, and that's a fact, jack.

Contents

History

Early Career

Hardy started upon the path to becoming a professional wrestler after years spent wrestling with his brother Matt on a trampoline outside their home in North Carolina. It wouldn't be long before the brothers debuted in WWE as a tag team, winning championships left and right. Jeff had impressed many with his prodigious ability to jump off things, through things, over things and onto people. As such, Jeff was easily the more popular Hardy Boy, a fact which often caused Matt to consume vast quantities of grapes while screaming into a pillow late at night. Regardless, the pair were responsible for some of the greatest tag team matches of the 90's, including the legendary TLC bouts with the Dudley Boyz and Edge and Christian. Unfortunately for Jeff, his drug-ravaged mind is incapable of remembering these youthful, glory years of his career.

First TNA run

After a failed singles run in WWE, Jeff decided to jump ship to TNA. He had a much lighter schedule in TNA, which allowed him time for the more important things in life: sitting around the house in his underwear and doing copious amounts of meth and cocaine. This would ultimately cost Jeff his job with TNA, after Jeff no-showed a number of TNA events on which he was scheduled to appear. Jeff had this to say about the issue: "I just fuckin' love meth, man". Note: more information on this portion of Jeff's career will be added when somebody actually watches TNA.

WWE somehow give him his job back

The title says it all. For some reason, Jeff got rehired by the 'E; probably because he fucked TNA over with his drug-induced shenanigans. Notable accomplishments at this point in his career include: winning the Tag Team Championships with his brother Matt, breaking Joey Mercury's face with his brother Matt, and breaking up the Hardy Boyz to feud with his brother Matt. The decision was then made to remove Matt from any and all future angles with Jeff Hardy, after a number of boredom-related audience deaths during their programs together. This may have been bad for Matt, but it was fantastic for Jeff. He went on to win the World Championship for the first time ever, and have what many believe to be the greatest feud in his entire career - pitted against our Lord and Saviour, CM Punk. This epic battle between high and sober culminated in a steel cage match on Friday Night Smackdown, where Jeff lost and was forced to leave the WWE for good. This is probably for the best, since he is too fucked up to climb anything higher than a stepladder without vomiting all over himself and falling to his death.

TNA somehow give him his job back

So, Jeff came back to TNA and now he has this belt or something and it's purple and he turned heel. I don't know. Something like that. Once again, more information will become available when someone decides to sit down and endure an entire episode of Impact. He had a TNA Match of the Year candidate title match with Sting. But then he left and came back and talked about being "Resurrected" or some shit like that.

Personal Life

Due to the unhealthy amount of mind-altering substances that Hardy intakes on a daily basis, he appears to be under the impression that he is an artist. Examples of said 'art' include a tin foil sculpture named 'Neroameee' and dozens of poorly executed self portraits, each of which look like they've been drawn by a child. Hardy also considers himself a musician. He is a member of the band Peroxwhy?gen with whom he makes awful, awful music. The band was formed in 2003 and consists of himself, his guitar and a metric fuckton of methamphetamine.

On March 15th, 2008, it was reported that Hardy's house had been burned to the ground. Among the casualties were Jeff's dog and, more importantly, the drug paraphernalia which had "great sentimental value" according to Hardy. Many dirtsheets were quick to jump to the conclusion that the fire was caused by an explosion in Jeff's underground meth lab. However, the coming weeks revealed that the blaze was purposefully ignited by Matt Hardy. Jeff's take on matters: "Matt has always been a practical joker, but this was kind of taking things too far. I hid his car keys, so he burns down my house and kills my dog? That's just not that funny, man".

Move Set

  • Finishers
    • Twist of Fate Hate
    • Swanton Bomb (No more Swanton Bombs. Only Twist of Hate.)
  • Signatures
    • Concussions (and they're fucking FREE)
    • Meth hit
    • (Drug) Mule kick
    • Sloppy facepaint
    • Wellness Violation
    • Wellness Violation II
    • Whisper in the Wind
    • MAH CREEEEEEATUUUUURRRRRREEEESSSS!!!
  • Other Moves
    • Climbing a LAAAAAAADDER
    • Doing meth
    • Following his dreams
    • Making himself famous
    • Doing even more meth
  • Signature merchandise
    • arm bands
    • silly necklaces
    • Ephedrine or pseudoephedrine(cold or allergy tablets)
    • Lithium batteries
    • Starter Fluid
    • Rock or table salt
    • Drain cleaner
    • Camping fuel
    • Sulfuric Acid
    • Acetone
    • Heet" (gas additives)
    • Paint thinner
    • Iodine
    • Brake Cleaner
    • Toluene
    • Muriatic Acid
    • Anhydrous Ammonia
    • Matchbooks
    • Coffee Filters
    • Aluminum Foil
    • Assorted glassware
    • Propane Tanks
    • Coolers
    • Plastic Soda Bottles
    • 262 Vicodin prescription pills
    • 180 Soma prescription pills
    • 555 milliliters of anabolic steroids
    • A residual amount of powder cocaine
    • A 36 kilogram pile of powder cocaine hidden from police
    • Items of drug paraphernalia
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