/wooo/ kayfabe

/wooo/ Kayfabe is a secret codex of realities and cosmic truths perpetuated by the most Holy Order of the Sacred Armbar, deep in the mountains of Muxushumenxa (Move 713). It is a code of truths that every /wooo/kie lives by, and regards as fact. If it is not /wooo/ kayfabe, it's probably not true. A list of things that is regarded as /wooo/ kayfabe are as follows:

• One of Batista's favorite drinks is semen. He will go through great lengths to get it.
• Batista will do anything to get title shots, such as dressing up as Jeff Hardy and telling Vince that he'd stop the meth if he gets a title shot.
• Batista is also related to Horatio Caine from CSI Miami.
• Teddy Long has tapped into the secret wells of Kings, and can summon [[the Undertake as his vassal to fight people who have irked him inside an arena wrought of tempered steel. Though he lost this ability, he began intense training and tested his newfound power over The Undertaker on Drew McInyre. He said of it "It was a roarin' success, playa!"
• Teddy Long also has the ability to change the color of his suit at will.
• The Miz fucked his cousin. He's still awesome though.
• /wooo/ is responsible for getting Scotty Goldman fired and for giving Ricky Ortiz a push while attempting the opposite. (However, this might have been rectified as Ricky Ortiz was also fired)
• 2003 CM Punk lurks /wooo/ and does not tolerate any sort of bullshit from anybody because he is better than you.
• /wooo/'s Haitch is an asshole who buries people (wait a minute, this isn't kayfabe). Also if pictures of Haitch in a vulnerable position are found, the WWE goes on PURPLE ALERT.
• JBL has been in every significant event that has occurred. Ever.
• Scott Steiner and Hard Gay were lovers but they broke up. Scott is also a great scholar and a well respected mathematician.
• Somewhere out there is the antithesis of /wooo/, where people mark for guys like Ricky Ortiz and Hornswoggle, called /HulkM/.
• Kirtaner made Samoa Joe change his facepaint. (Note that there is a possibility that Kirt actually may have been a factor in the change).
• Dean Malenko killed Eddie and Chris, and is now hunting PerrOH GOD DEAN I'MSOSORRYI'MSO-
• Zack Ryder is the most awesome motherfucker on the planet next to Chris Jericho.
• Colt Cabana browsed /wooo/. OH WAIT! This actually fucking happened!
• In addition to Batista and the Undertaker, Edge has also cashed-in Money in the Bank on Misawa, Stephen Hawkings, and himself.
• The little girl that Shawn Michaels superkicked on Raw in 2009 was the daughter of Stan, the WWE employee he superkicked in 2006.
• When the announcements of the releases of Mickie James, Shelton Benjamin et al were announced Dixie Carter was locked in her office and rubbing herself while reading the WWE twitter. She did the same thing when Hogan and Bischoff agreed to join TNA and that time when Impact got good ratings.
• The real reason Mike Knox was Endeavor'd is Knox started losing all the time in late 2009. This was because Beard had grown tired of him and had started to slowly move to a new host, that being CM Punk. Beard proceeded to slowly spread over Punk's chest and chin, bestowing his powers to the more worthy Straight Edge Savior, leaving Knox behind. Without Beard's spirit coursing through him, Knox lost his strength, his passion and his abilities. As such, Knox was no longer capable of winning matches and despite his vast knowledge of pain, was no longer able to inflict it as he once could. The WWE, with no use for the now powerless Knox, released him from his contract.
• The real reason Bryan Danielson attacked Justin Roberts is back when Danielson wrestled in All Pro Wrestling Jake Roberts worked as a referee before becoming an announcer. Roberts Refereed a match for the APW World Wide Internet Championship Title. Roberts made a mistake and counted to quickly before Bryan could kick out. After the incident Bryan confronted Justin and implied he did it on purpose Justin laughed it off making the remark "The guy with the suits and ties don't see it as a big deal and neither should you." Bryan Danielson swore to him he'd regret what he did. And that is why Bryan Danielson choked Justin Roberts the fuck out.
• In 2010 when Hogan and Bischoff took over TNA, Sting was forced to leave giving up his power to become Steve. Steve saw the things that were happening in TNA and noticed that Jeff Hardy was using face paint that mimicked his old powers to make it to main event status. Fed up Steve planned his return. Steve combined his 90's "Stinger" persona with "The Icon" Rafter Sting and was made anew with a new red coat that allows his Scorpion Death Drop to be three times as powerful and can defeat an opponent in under 30 seconds. On 3-3-11 he returned and faced Jeff Hardy in which he limited the use of his new power. Sting won the TNA World Heavyweight Championship and absorbed Hardy's power as well. On 3-13-11 Sting's aura was so powerful it sapped Hardy of his will leaving him in a daze leaving him unable to face the raw power of "The Icon". Sting was able to bury Hardy with ease and retain the title.
• When the Undertaker beats an opponent, he takes their soul and their essence, adding it to his own power (note how he became more MMA-like after defeating Angle). After defeating the "Underfaker" at Summerslam '94, Undertaker believed his power had been doubled, when in fact, he had only defeated Brian "Chainz" Lee, a biker who was simply dressed as the Undertaker. Believing he had twice the power, he burned through it twice as fast, not only through his own previously unseen acts of evil (such as crucifying people and kidnapping innocent girls), but by sharing his power with others, like Mabel and Phinneas Godwinn. Eventually, only the biker essence remained, leading to the Biker Taker persona of the 2000s. It wasn't until years after this change that his previous powers of evil recharged, and he was finally able to purge the influence of Brian Lee from his system.
• JBL and Stan Hansen once delivered simultaneous lariats to one another. The resulting explosion created Skip Sheffield.
• "Macho Man" Randy Savage died in order to elbow drop Jesus in heaven and save the world from the Rapture.
• Jimmy Hart and "Mean" Gene Okerlund are the same person.
• Jim Ross mixes up his barbeque sauce with a big wooden spoon in Jerry Lawler's bathtub, while they both commentate.
• Booker T cooks and eats local wrestlers
• After Mae Young gave birth to a hand, she was unable to take care of it and gave it up for adoption. After Rhyno destroyed the Smackdown set, the older and grown up hand returned to the WWE as the Smackdown Fist. The set was replaced after the hand tragically died after suffering long term RSI. (It was later revealed at Raw 1000 that the hand had survived the RSI, and lives a normal life, occasionally taking his mother to wrestling shows)
• Eve Torres is an orange shemale, and is frequently seen making love to the DBZ character Vegeta.
• The cage for Hell In A Cell is both Undertaker's and Kane's mother, the Elimination Chamber is Bischoff's wife
• Christian is immune to ladders.
• Alicia Fox keeps a buttplug inserted at all times.
• Sin Cara's massive junk is what causes him to botch.
• The only reason why Hogan was resigned by TNA is because Dixie knows Hogan is really Immortal. Hogan's secret comes from marrying every seven years, he is currently preparing Brooke to be his next host body which he will inhabit for the next millennia.
• Eric Bischoff's family regularly turn against him, his wife is a dog and Eric is confirmed for closet furry.
• Steve Austin and JR are secret lovers, JR has flashbacks to their lovemaking sessions when ever Steve comes out, then he screams STONE COLD.
• red_reddington revealed many secrets when he completed Half-Op initiation - he had to drink the blood of The Great Muta, Ric Flair and JBL. These things are kept in the /wooo/ section of 420chan's secret board, along with Ric Flairs Dignity, Rey Mysterio's left knee, Konnan's sanity and every lost episode of Botchamania(including the unedited version of 9 with the Maffew Nudes). Along with this, Daniel Benoit's ghost haunts the place asking 'Why Daddy Why?' and you are forced to watch Owen Hart's death repeatedly. red_reddington was almost fired for revealing these secrets, until he shared his fruit basket and pastries.
• Dolph Ziggler's hair stems from his perfection. Every time Dolph Ziggler successfully executes a Zig-Zag he uses up a good amount of perfection. After Wrestlemania 27 he used too much perfection and went into a deep sleep in which he awoke with short brown hair. The only way to regain his perfection is to win a match and luckily he faced Evan Bourne for an easy win and recover enough perfection to turn back into his perfect self.
• R-Truth is 300 years old. He has simply aged very, very well.
• Bob Holly molested Hajeed Mangi WWE fan 4 lif xx.
• RedMachineD is the only /wooo/kie who has ever donated to 420chan.
• Ever.
• Unless you count those other guys.
• But god forbid you count those other guys.
• Smark Henry is as close as you will ever see a member of the IWC imitate the real life persona of Hulk Hogan. BROTHER
• Chris benoit's spirit wandered the WWE ring for years until embodying himself on his former rival, Randy Orton.
• Alberto del rio doesn't have a license to drive so Ricardo has to remote control the car to the ring while del rio pretends to drive.
• After Randy Savage prevented the rapture, He looked for a body too inhabit to continue his wrestling career after an exhausted search he found the perfect body in CM punk his straight edge lifestyle made it perfect for him. This is why punk has started doing elbow drops and growing beards.
• Taz's neck had only a binary threshold of pain. His neck was either fine, or broken.
• He lives with it. Day after day, only Kofi knows how deep R-Truth's attachment to Lil Jimmy is. Why did R-Truth go heel? What was this sudden hate for Lil Jimmy? Lil Jimmy wasn't the fans, no, Lil Jimmy was R-Truth's real friend who had died. He was in grief and was angry at Jimmy for leaving him. He started to hang with a bad crowd, becoming friends with the Miz. "THIS IS A TRUE FRIEND!" he believed, one that wouldn't leave him, wouldn't die on him. But what Miz did was far worse, hurting R-Truth. R-Truth was once again broken, lost, and friendless. It was Kofi who he confessed to. Who Jimmy was. Kofi tried to put his mind at ease, telling him Jimmy isn't gone, he will always be right next to him. But his fragile mind took it at a literal sense. He belived that yes, Jimmy was next to him. Lil Jimmy had returned. So Kofi plays along, knowing that Truth's mind is lost. And the only way to keep him going is to pretend his dead friend is there.
• CMLL paid some freaky Mexican shaman witch doctor to put a curse on the then Mistico after he signed a contract with WWE.
• Tyson Tomko was created by Christian's mighty untapped potential, and that if he's too far from Christian he disappears

• In Samoa, the currency is rocks.
• /wooo/ is responsible for any push Bo Dallas is given upon being called up to the main roster
• Kofi Kingston needs to hold a midcard title at least once a year or else he'll vaporize off the planet.
• Booker T has an unhealthy obsession with falling from the rafters at live WWE events.
• Triple H only buries people because Stephanie tells him to

• BarrackSays backed out of his piss bet, angering Brock Lesnar. In one year to the date of the piss bet, Brock will kill BarrackSays
• Player Uno DID the /wooo/ Backbreaker
• If you don't punch Hulk Hogan when he starts shaking he will continue to shake until he builds up so much energy that he would explode, with a 2 MT blast. The punch attempts defuse this potential bomb.