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Jenkem

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A fresh batch of jenk.

Jenkem (also known as jenk, butthash, leroy, brown demon, and Forrest Gump) is a mind-numbingly awesome drug that has very heavy effects. Due to the synthesizing process which involves fermenting feces and urine, there is an enormous amount of stigma surrounding jenkem and jenkem culture (perhaps more so than with any other drug).

Contents

"That's Fucking Gross!"

This is the most common reaction to any mention of jenkem use, which is by and large due to the widespread ignorance which fails to distinguish between the fermentation process, and jenkem itself. Yes, the raw materials for creating jenkem are shit and piss. This does not mean that jenkem is shit and piss. Jenkem is the gaseous fermentation product that is released after human waste is metabolized by certain species of bacteria. Jenkem is microbial waste, not human waste. Some examples of common food items that are made from microbial waste are yogurt, cheese, leavened bread, and every kind of alcoholic beverage, yet nobody seems to have any problem consuming these things.

General society's disgusted attitude toward jenkem represents a mental barrier created by pure ignorance. Allow yourself to rise above this lowly common ignorance, and you will truly discover how wonderful a drug jenkem can be.

Overview

Science!

Jenkem is made by first collecting human feces and urine in a bottle or jar, with a balloon securely fastened over the lid to collect the jenkem gas as it is released by fermentation. How you actually go about preparing this fermentation cell is up to you (things can get messy). After this is prepared, leave your setup outside in an area where it will receive plenty of sunlight over the course of the day. Ideally, you would leave your mixture outside to ferment for 5-7 days to allow for optimum jenkem output. Once this is done, your balloon should be more or less inflated with jenkem. Pinch the neck of the balloon as you remove it from your bottle/jar, exhale all the air out of your lungs, deeply inhale the balloon's contents, and prepare for the ride of your life! Alternately, you can tie the balloon off and store your jenkem for later use (great for parties).

Upon huffing, a very powerful high is experienced almost immediately. Users describe incredibly euphoric visionary experiences, along with a notable reduction of inhibitions, though effects vary widely by strain. Some strains produce energetic upbeat experiences, while others can be sedating and introspective. A jenkem high can last from 8 hours to 14 hours, depending on potency and amount inhaled. After the gentle comedown, most users experience a pleasant afterglow which can last up to 2 days.

The effects of jenkem are often disputed by non-believers, some attributing the entire experience to a placebo effect or oxygen deprivation. Such skepticism however can easily be cured by growing some balls and huffing a generous helping of some good ol' home grown butthash. Properly brewed, jenkem can and will get you high.

As always though, there is a downside to all good things and the high disputably results in brain damage, though neurotoxic effects can be avoided by limiting jenkem use to no more than once a week. This theory of neurotoxicity may explain why some posts on /jenk/ are difficult to read and are often incomprehensible. This effect has been termed "jenklexia" by some /jenk/ers. When under the influence of leroy, this effect noticeably intensifies. Another common side-effect is the tingling of the anus or "butt-tingles." This side-effect is similar in nature to "meth bugs" (a sensation of crawling under the skin while under the influence of methamphetamine). This often prompts jenkem users to engage in an act of uncontrollable probing or stimulation of the area around the anal sphincter. Messes, spills, uncontrollable flatulence, and emotional turmoil usually result.

Myths about Jenkem

On /jenk/ and other Internet message boards, many trolls claim that you can plug, smoke, and/or inject jenkem. Jenk water and jenk resin has absolutely no psychoactive components, anyone claiming that either of them are useable in any way is a troll. Being a gas, jenkem will be completely ineffective when the aforementioned routes of administration are pursued. Do not listen to these idiots. Outside of inhalation, any other ROA is also very dangerous. Injecting jenkem is deadly and could potentially result in a gas embolism causing death. Injecting jenk water can cause the potentially lethal condition of septic shock. Plugging jenkem is impossible because it is a gas, the bacteria inside of jenk water may be harmful if plugged as well. Smoking jenkem may kill you because jenkane, the main component of jenkem is a highly flammable gas. The only effects that would be had by smoking jenkem are potentially burnt eyebrows. Smoking jenk water / jenk resin would do nothing other than cause bad breath. Jenkane is not known to be carcinogenic.

Effects

  • Powerful Euphoria
  • Simultaneous stimulation and sedation
  • Visual and auditory hallucinations
  • Visitation of past memories
  • Feelings of depersonalization
  • Dissociation
  • Head and body rush
  • Browning out
  • Loss of consciousness
  • Increased music appreciation

Alleged "Strains" of Jenkem

Note: While many of these brews are well-contended among /jenk/ers, the effectiveness of some of them is disputed. Your mileage may vary.

  • Weeapoo: Eat 3 packs of chicken ramen and two boxes of Pocky chocolate flavor. The stool will be rather solid, so be sure to add a gratuitous amount of piss. Ferment for 5-7 days and be sure to use a yellow balloon ONLY (this is important). Bitter tasting. Medium-high potency.
  • Spongebumb Squarepiss: Do not eat ANYTHING until your next bowl bowel movement. Immediately after you pass the stool, go into your refrigerator and eat a FRESH pineapple, as much as you can strip from it (the more pineapple, the less bitter the final product will be and the higher you will get). It is important to NOT eat pineapple from the can, doing so will greatly alter the way it is metabolized in your body. Eat nothing but pineapple and, if you have them, extra-salty potato chips. You can drink whatever you want, so long as there is no high fructose corn syrup. Save as much urine as you excrete until your next bowl bowel movement (no more than two cups), then combine the feces and the urine and let it ferment for ~57 hours (+1 hour for every degree above room temperature the fermentation area is in. Use a yellow balloon for the lulz immature laughs. Very fruity, not too bitter. Quite potent. NOTE: If you have a bowl bowel movement BEFORE 20 hours of eating the pineapple, do not use that stool, use the next.
  • Iraqi Mudbombs: A combination of dates, figs, and camel meat. A sweet tasting, potent strain.
  • Alaskan Butthash: Raw whale blubber and cheddar cheese chex mix. Foul, bitter tasting strain with medium-low strength.
  • Curry Milkpoppers: Eat a diet of nothing but curry chicken and 4 glasses of milk. Very common and very spicy. Potent and high grade.
  • Gnarls Darkley: 2 parts fried chicken for every 1 part buttered grits. Very strong and very dank.
  • Triple Cheezy Jenk: Processed three times. To make the jenk, use your favorite ingredients then shit it out. Recycle it 3 times, and then on the final processing eat a lot of cheese so it stays in your colon for awhile.
  • Japscat Fever: Nothing but miso and ramen for two days. Do not–I REPEAT– do not take a shit during this time period. Shove a cork up your jenk-factory if you have to. Strong tasting strain that’s guaranteed to take you to Tokyo and back.
  • The Deutschlander: lots of kraut, bratwurst, and beer. Try not to shit for the next 48 hours to get it nice and powerful. Medium strength.
  • Project Piss: A heavy diet of Cicso, Mad Dog 20/20 and Thuderbird wine with Mcdonalds burgers. Medium-high strength and foul tasting.
  • Viking Longshit: Blend of two shots of Swedish vodka with a smidgen of Salmon and topped off with some Norwegian stockfish. A very intense high. It's very cerebral and mind-altering (not surprising, since fish is brain food). Introspective yet intense.
  • Chunky Flaming Butt Bomber: Red Cap Sriracha sauce and chunky peanut butter. It burns your throat just huffing it. Mild peanut taste and super high grade. 40x extractions are made too and they take away the taste and all the odor, but that’s for pussies.
  • Coffee Corn-Poppers: Drink two liters of coffee and chase with creamed corn. Emits a foul-smelling, sickly sweet tasting strain. Medium-strength.
  • British Bumdog: Savaloy, chips (fries) and left over tandoori make this batch a real eye waterer. Strong enough to burn the eyelashes off a bulldog.
  • Georgia Recycled: Peaches and cream defecated and consumed again at least four times. Potent and expensive.
  • Bad Habit: Potato chips and fingernails, usually done with weed. Medium strength.
  • Harry Pooper: Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans and nothing else. Extremely potent.
  • Dairy Fairy: Dairy products like cheese, milk, and yogurt. Swallow a fistful of glitter with every meal. Somewhat weak, burns going down, but induces powerful hallucinations.
  • Hot Dogs: Eat chilies and stray dogs for 24 hours. Drink V8 and cheese whiz. Shit and then turn upside down and pour the shit back into your ass(or someone else’s). Hold it in for 8 more hours, then shit it into a jar and ferment for 3 days. You can also masturbate into the product for a bit more potency.
  • God Save The Queen: Eat a full English Breakfast and seven servings of fish and chips then drink six cups of coffee. Hold your sweet, sweet shit in for AT LEAST 27 hours. If you relieve yourself before this you’ll ruin the strain! Ferment for one week at least. Very potent and beyond dank.
  • Meow Mix: After a shit, eat only cat food and hold in your next shit for at least two days. Mix with your cat’s poop and ferment for 36 hours. Tastes okay since you’re used to the cat food. It produces no great hallucinations, but you’ll probably sing the Meow Mix jingle a lot.
  • Tuscan Firebird: Nothing but red-hot chicken wings and milk. Absolutely no breaded wings. They must be the wet, saucy kind. It’ll be diarrhea, so you can’t hold it in long. Ferment for 4 days.
  • Winner Winner Chicken Dinner: Strict diet of sliced chicken lunch meat, raw eggs, and celery. You’ll want to pour in gratuitous amounts of piss, too. Ferment for a whole month with plastic wrap really tight over the top, out of sunlight, and poke a hole through it with a straw after fermentation, then inhale through the straw. You may want to crack a few raw eggs right into the mixture.
  • Tush Kush: Simple, but effective. Make (at least) 3 pizzas with pepperoni, mushrooms and chicken/ham. Eat said pizzas as fast as possible. Drink LOTS of milk (at least 3 dl for each pizza), doesn't matter which milk you choose. When eaten, hold it inside for at least 24 hours, preferably 30-36. If you manage 48 hours, then you're in line for some quality dank. Ferment for 96-100 hours. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT. NO MORE, NO LESS. 96-100 HOURS OF FERMENTING. It tastes like the old soda hidden behind your couch that's been around for a couple of weeks. The taste sticks for about a day. TK is a relatively new product on the market, but it's popularity is on the rise.
  • El Stinko Grande: Eat 7 bean burritos, 2 enchiladas, 4 tequila worms, and 5 cans of re-fried beans over a 10 hour period. Allow your body to process the food for 30 hours (Don’t shit until this time). Allow your jenk to ferment for one week and then say hi to the border patrol! WARNING: MAKE SURE THIS IS AUTHENTIC MEXICAN FOOD, NOT THAT TACO BELL BULLSHIT. TACO BELL PUTS ADDITIVES IN THE FOOD THAT PREVENTS JENKANE FROM BEING RELEASED. IT’S A SICK ATTEMPT TO CURB JENK ABUSE.
  • The Italian Rapscallion: Drink one bottle of Inglenook wine and eat two parts risotto for every one part pasta alla norma. Ferment for one week and prepare to battle Spartacus. One of the most potent strains and also one of the most rank.
  • Sheen's Shit Shake: Consume nothing but pills and whiskey for a week. Your faeces will become yellow and watery, like cloudy piss but smelling much worse. Decant into an empty whiskey bottle and brew normally. Not for beginners.
  • It's Not Delivery: Obtain one 12" DiGiorno pizza of any flavor and a liter of strawberry milk (NOTE: DO NOT substitute any other flavor of milk. The ingredients in the strawberry milk when mixed with the pizza are what make this strain so potent) and eat/drink both. Try to hold your shit in as long as possible. Once you feel like you can't hold it in any longer, transfer the resulting feces and some urine into a 2 liter bottle. Put a balloon over the bottle and ferment for one week. This strain is VERY potent, so only use in locations you are comfortable in because you can become prone to severe paranoia while under its effects. This strain also produces a slight sting in your mouth/throat when inhaled, but this should subside once the effects start to kick in (usually around 5-15 minutes).
  • Indian Mist: Produced by an Indian man that has eaten nothing but curry for at least a week. White men and women attempting to brew their own Indian Mist will notice it missing some of the buzz of genuine mist. Big hit among vendors in areas full of Asian minorities.

Synergies

There are several little-known methods for enhancing the potency of your jenk. The first involves laxatives. Lame fiends use ordinary grocery-store laxatives to increase their potency, but experience jenkers are acquainted with the use of magnesium citrate. Magnesium citrate is an osmotic laxative that causes the intestines to retain water. Approximately 4-6 hours after ingestion, you should feel some mild discomfort in your bowels. This means that the laxative is working. You will feel the urge to shit like nobody's business, but the longer you hold it in, the more powerful it will be. When you absolutely can't hold it any more, shit into the nearest receptacle. You will have to use a large container because there will be a LOT of shit, usually about the consistency of water. To cut down on the overall liquid content and speed fermentation, add only 1-2 cups of piss and drink as little water as possible the day before.

The next technique involves piss-synergy, or pissergy, as it is commonly known. This involves heating your piss to increase its overall reactivity with the jenk. This is accomplished by heating your urine in a large pot on the stove (don't microwave it). You can add some onions and nutmeg, which will help with flavor and may be synergistic in the case of the nutmeg.

The third technique for increasing jenkstrength is additives. Different people tend to produce different strengths and strains of jenkem that are unique to that person's physiology. What you want to do is mix some of your own shit with that of a friend, then ferment using piss blended from both of you.

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